No boozing

So it's been about 4 weeks without boozing now, and I feel fantastic. However, I thought I'd write about why I miss boozing and why I think I could potentially be an alcoholic.

I love drinking because it keeps me social. Whenever I've had a few drinks, I love to chat. I can talk about many ridiculous things for hours on end. It's a great socializing technique. I've found since I stopped boozing, I only see the world from one different perspective instead of many other states. Let me break down the different perspectives.

Wine Perspective
Have you actually been drunk off of wine? I think there's only one thing that happens to me when I'm wasted on wine. I pass out almost instantaneously. Enough said.

Beer Perspective
I think everyone goes through this perspective many times. It's easy to drink beer and be really friendly around people, generally beer doesn't make you feel violent. It cuts the edge right out as well. It's also the ultimate socializing drink. You'll always hear, "Hey man, let's go for a beer after work" or "Let's have a cold one". I don't think I've heard one of my dude friends say "Hey man, let's go for a martini after work." You could literally lip off a guy with a smile on your face, and he won't give a shit because hey, you're drinking a beer and beer drinks are the happiest drunks.

High Ball Perspective
Unlike beer, you can actually get a lot drunker without even realizing it. You can probably pound back like 3-4 of these within the time it takes to drink one beer, and you won't even know it. Which leads to you getting pretty out of control quickly. I stopped doing this because of the copious amounts of sugar in some of the drinks that are consumed. Definitely not a good route to go on. This is the main cause of hangovers and people don't even realize it! Stay away from sugary drinks. They will annihilate you before you realize it. On another note, if you go to the U.S, be aware that they free pour there and the drinks are basically triples, so be warned if you're planning on ordering a Rye'n'Coke.

Shots Perspective
There are just some people in the world who just LOVE drinking shots. I'm probably one of them. It's quick, it's easy and it's fun! You can probably get into that state of "Nirvana" before you even realize it. Okay, maybe Nirvana is a strong word. You can get into that state of inebriation (is that even a word??) quickly. This can also lead to problems such as the following: -Credit card or wallet feels quite empty because you'll be ordering god knows how many shots
-Vomitting ensues
-What the hell am I shooting now?! It's all a mystery to me!

Dudes with long hair

What makes you think that having really long hair is a good style? I really hate that saying, "get a haircut you hippy" but seriously... get a haircut. It looks even more homo when you put your hair in a pony tail. Unless your name is Fabio, you're over 6 feet tall and have the build of a line backer, you should not be allowed to have long hair.
Generally guys with long hair are 30 year old virgin boys living in their parents basement playing Magic the card game.
There's absolutely no reason why guy's should have hair that goes down past their shoulders. When you tie your hair up in a pony tail, it only makes you look like more of a douche bag. There's nothing wrong with guys having a hair style where it goes down to like your top of your neck, but c'mon.... When you put your hair in a pony tail, you just look like one of the biggest douches in the world.

Being bald

Shaving my head was probably one of the best things I ever did. I'm provided with the freedom of everything, and there's nothing better than a freshly shaved head. Let's look at the Pros and Cons of having a bald head though

Pro
I never have to get my haircut again and spend 40 dollars to get a haircut that I'll have to get again after three weeks.
Con
I don't have some hot chick cutting my hair anymore, just my razor.

Pro
I can wear touques and hats without worrying about messing up my hair.
Con
My head is freezing sometimes if I forget to wear a touque or a hat.

Pro
Girls rub my head because they like the fuzzy feeling of a bald head
Con
Guys rub my head for good luck...

Pro
I can use a towel to wipe my head off at the gym.
Con
I sweat more now.

Pro
I don't to use hair product anymore.
Con
I like the smell of some hair product.

Pro
Being bald makes me look more intimidating.
Con
Being bald makes me look more intimidating.

Pro
Showering the night before so I don't waste time in the morning taking a shower.
Con
Showering in the morning wakes me up and is refreshing.

Pro
Doing my hair takes 5 minutes to shave.
Con
My hair grows back REALLY fast. (sorry for those that are going bald)

This is what I write when I'm drunk....

So it's like 3am and shit, and i'm pretty drunk right now i'm not going to lie. It's really hard to type write since i'm trying to find my glasses and i don't really know what's going on. I've had one too many drinks tonight and there's a beer in front of me and i've heard from people today that the shit that i write is funny. So here we go. Let's talk about what experiences taht i had tonight because i'm probably forget in the morning and i don't know what the hell happend anyways so fuck it let's do it....

So i got home and i remembered that i bougth a bunch of beer tonight. I went over to my brothers place at like 1am because i remembered i bought beer and i left it at his place. So i carefully tip toed around his place not to wake his ass up to grab my beer. Lucky for me his ass was up so when i got in there he was like... yo man... what the hell are you doing here? "oh well i came here to grab my beer so i can drink at home because my ass is out of control" Sweet... so that's how we do yo.... seriously what the hell am i writing about right now? i don't even know where i'm goign with this story because that's how i roll man...

I really hope i read this tomorrow as an experience to show that hey... you probably shouldn't drink and blog at the same time... it's almost as dangerous as drinking and driving because i'm probably going to offend someone and then shit hits the fan and shit

So let's talk about the following shit that i'm experiencing right now... i'm drinking a stella light which is frickin fantastic right now... it reminds me of the seinfeld episode of junior mints when Kramer says "it's quite refreshing!" and in all honesty... it's very refreshing at this time of the night and if you have a problem then GYFS bahahhahaaha

Whenever i laugh i always have to use a "b" in my laugh to make me sound more obnoxious. It really adds to the flavor of the conversation naw mean?

On top of drinking more beer, i'm listening to trance right now because it helps soothe the soul you know? Because there's not enough time... (see not enough time - cosmic gate) to really understand what the hell i'm talking about because i really don't know....

As i'm writing this blog, i'm still consuming more liquor that i really should and really.... i'm surprised i'm writing as good as i am right now because this is probably one of the hardest things i've ever done before in my life... but jimmy crack corn and i don't care

okay so whoever's reading this deserves some sort of award because my ass is seriously out of control and i'm trying to figure everything out right now so thanks for reading this and more blogs to come... blogs that actually make sense bahahhaha

PEACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cougar Nights

So a few weeks ago me and a bunch of friends went out and partied our faces off, and as per usual I ended up getting messed up. So what does one do after a full night of partying? With all that booze in your system, you're almost expected to wake up with a nuclear hangover. The answer is simple. You go out and eat some greasy ass Chinese food so that it soaks up all the alcohol (or forces you to puke!) so that you feel like a million bucks in the morning! ....or something....

Back to the original title of the story, we were sitting at a Chinese restaurant and I was right boozed at this point and I was drinking Special Tea (Beer in a tea pot because the restaurant doesn't want to get in trouble for having open beer on the tables! Pure genius for people who still want to drink such as myself!) when I notice that these two girls and two guys come into the restaurant and one of them happen to be one of my friends friends so they sit at a table somewhat close to us. So we're sitting there minding our own business when all of a sudden they start hollering at us to join our tables together so we can all sit down and eat together. So me being intoxicated quite a bit, I agree on it. One thing struck me as odd though, the two guys seemed to be pretty young whereas their female counter parts were significantly older at this point.

So naturally I had to ask the question.
"So what brings the four of you guys out tonight? What did you guys do tonight?"
The woman to my right immediately responds while looking straight ahead of her to the boy
"Oh well we went partying tonight with my son!"

Wow... I don't think I've heard of anything stranger than that in my entire life. Mainly because I probably would never have partied with my parents before, because I'd never want them to see me in the state of mind that I usually like to get into. I think most kids would have the same mentality as me, but I guess this was a bit different for these two. In all honesty, who would want to party with their mom????

So at this point I'm thinking to myself "Oh my dear lord, what am I getting myself into right now? This night can't POSSIBLY get any stranger or uncomfortable."

Wow did I prove myself wrong... There were a few memorable moments in this story and I'll share them with you right away...

Tattoos
So we're all sitting there talking about basically nothing and then tattoo's come across our conversation. So the woman to my right's friend said that I look like someone who has a tattoo. I smiled declined and said that I didn't have any. Then she stands up and says, "I have a tattoo! Would you like to see???". First instincts when someone asks you to see their tattoo, you say yes thinking, oh it'll probably be on her back or her arm or some where. Nope, because it's me and how I always seem to attract weirdos because I can blog about something like this. This woman stands up in the middle of the restaurant, with a lot of people staring because it's already a loud enough table to begin with, and then whips her pants down to reveal that she had some Chinese caligraphy tattoo's right on her ass. Great. I basically never want to eat Chinese food after seeing that.

Pets
So one of our friends has a dog and we were talking about the dog and its name, and we already knew this night was strange enough. So the woman with the tattoo blurts out
"Oh I have a pet too! I have a bald cat!"
My friend at this moment thrives on weird stuff and immediately responds with this
"Hold on time out. You have a bald cat. A bald pussy. A bald vagina. I'd like to see your bald vagina."
And at this point he immediately bursts out into laughter and I couldn't feel more uncomfortable at this point. I'm sitting at a table with a mother partying with her son and a woman with a Chinese tattoo on her ass with a bald vagina. Wow... Add this one to the books of oddities...

Food
So our food has been sitting on the table for quite some time now and we've basically all finished eating. Suddenly the woman to my right starts talking to me about food and how great Chinese food is (or least I think this is what she's talking about, because I was pretty inebriated at this point of the night trying to drink my memories away so I would forget this night) and asks me this question.
Her - "Hey, do you like shrimp?"
Me - "Yeah shrimps alright I guess."
Her - "Well you have to try this shrimp, it's really tasty!"
At this point, she grabs her chopsticks, picks up some shrimps and starts feeding me in front of her son. Wow.... It's like her being a new mom again with a kid... except for I'm an adult and feeding me can only really lead to one thing.... Oh wait! I have my morals! I don't want this kid who's probably only like 2 years younger than me calling me Dad. You know because I'm kind of a douche bag too, if her son wasn't there. I probably would have done something I would have regret for sure haha.

Working out
Well this night is turning out to be one of the most uncomfortable nights of my life. There isn't ANYTHING that can make this night more uncomfortable than it already is. Oh wait. There's a new section called working out and it's at the bottom of the list so this topic HAS to be a funny one (or something). So I'm a pretty big guy and I love working out. It really is one of my passions in life. So the woman to my right starts to feel my arms and said that I have very nice arms and chest! So I blush and I'm trying to be modest about my body and it's not that great, when suddenly my friend yells out "Do that thing with your chest!"
Basically this thing I do with my chest is I can make my chest move like it's the "Can Can" and people are hypnotized by my chests movement. So I show everyone that I can move my chest. "Yay, look at it go, it's as mesmerizing as a hypnotist waving a watch in front of you back and forth".
So the girl with the bald vagina and tattoo's said "I want to try this too! Everyone look at me!"
Nothing.
So the girl to my right with the son sitting across the table said "I'm going to try too!"
At this point, my friend catches her son staring ever so closely at her mom's breasts and then yells out "Hey Kid! Stop staring at your moms tits! That's gross man!"
That literally made my night. Seeing the look of embarassment on both of their faces was enough for me to call it a night and go home.

In all honesty, the woman to my right was damn hot. I'm sure if she was 20 years younger I would have gone for the gold for sure. In fact, I was probably drunk enough that I probably would have gone for the gold if her son wasn't there. If those who read this want to see pictures, I'll show you but for the sake of their privacy, I'm not going to post pictures of them up on the internet because I'm still an upstanding young gentlemen despite what people say.

PEACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fashion blunders

So today I'm walking in the +15 in Calgary, and I can't help but notice how people dress. I'm always curious to see what people are wearing and how ridiculous some people can dress and here are the following things that just completely bother the shit out of me. (On another note, I've noticed that I always break my blogs into separate categories because it makes it easier for people to read)

1. Popped collars
This is one of the most ridiculous fashion statements I've ever seen. What makes it cool to pop your collar? Companies like American Eagle Outfitters promote popping your collar by now placing words on the popped part of your collar so you can display to the world of how much of a douchebag you are. Do us all a favor and save yourself from the embarrassment of popping your collar. I think this picture basically sums up everything that I just said.

2. Sweaters over a dress shirt
Alright, if your sweater is a v neck shirt and you plan on having your dress shirt underneath come over your dress shirt where the collar is now sticking out over your shirt and then the cuffs of the dress shirt are going over your shirt, that's alright. However, if you're planning on wearing a dress shirt, tie, and then put a full sweater on then what the fuck was the point of that? People will probably say, oh you stole that from Seinfeld, but it's the full blown truth. You're basically hiding your entire shirt except for the tip of your tie. Maybe you guys are also hiding your insecurities too.... Take off that sweater, you look like a douchebag.

3. Uggz
These shoes seriously are ugz. NEXT!

4. Skinny Jeans on certain people
What the hell were you thinking? You HONESTLY thought you could pull this off? If you don't have a flat stomach, you should NOT be making an attempt to wear these pants. Do us a favor and just wear boot cut jeans. You look ridiculous.
5. Christian Audigier and Ed Hardy
Okay, so I'll admit I have a few Ed Hardy and Christian Audigier shirts. However, every single one of them were gifts. The Ed Hardy shirt I have is a 2fer, and those are baller ass shirts. But right now, it seems like everyone and their dog is wearing this stuff (You can actually buy Christian Audigier stuff for your dog now. ). This stuff is seriously getting over played now. It was really cool at first, but now their clothes are just starting to look plain ugly now. They're coming up with even more ridiculous designs and the worst part is if you go to underground and buy one of these shirts, I can almost guarantee you about 10 other people are going to have the exact same shirt now. When you go to the bar, chances are you're going to see that exact same shirt. Other clothing companies that will soon follow are Smet, Affliction (if it hasn't already) and Dom Rebel.

Seriously! Who's going to be caught wearing this shit?????

Apparently I have a lot of rage

Many sources tell me that I have a huge anger issue. I don't think so really haha (someone is probably out there laughing at me shouting bullshit).
So I'm looking at finding ways to calm me down. Here's what I've come up with on the fly just now.

#1. Reading
Reading is probably one of the most calming things I've ever done. I find that when I'm reading I feel all the stress from the day escape me, and I'm focused on an alternate reality from what I'm used to.

#2. Being in silence
When I'm in a quiet environment I feel somewhat one with the Universe. I have no one around me doing stupid shit and all outside noises are away from me. These last two days I've basically spent time alone at home just listening to absolutely nothing.

#3. Not watching the Oilers
Wow. Yesterday apparently was one of the worst games the Oilers have ever played and I didn't watch one minute of it at all! It's so calming when I don't have to watch how brutal the Oilers play and how stupid Mac T's face looks on live television when a call is made against the Oilers.

#4. Not watching stressful TV
By not watching shows like 24 where I'm constantly yelling the "F" word at every moment there's a commercial break or when Jack Bauer is about to do something absolutely insane, I'm actually pretty good!

#5. Not driving
Thank god I live and work downtown. Driving pisses me off because there's a lot of retarded drivers out on the road. A new thing that popped in the Calgary news is that there's going to be green light speed cameras. It's bad enough that Calgarians don't know how to drive already, but now they have this??? There's going to be even more traffic than before in Calgary.

#6. Not being around my Blackberry
Sometimes putting my Blackberry on silent is one of the best things ever. I find that my life has been put around my Blackberry constantly pinning and checking text messages and the such. I find that if i put it on silent and in a different room than me, life is good. I don't have to respond to like the 16 conversations I have going on in BBM causing my hands to go into a crampped state. It's almost like Zen!

#7. Not partying and hating my life the next day
Working on this one right now haha

Any other suggestions are welcome! I don't want to be known as that guy who always hates and rages over things that bother him.

PEACE!!!!!